I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
