I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
