I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
