i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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