I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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