and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
