remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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