all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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