Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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