You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
