She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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