im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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