I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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