How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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