So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
