If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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