put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
