That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
