idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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