are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
