We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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