do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
