oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
