that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
