I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
