The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
