Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry about my life...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
