A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
