Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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