I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Randomize
