I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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