Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is wine microwaveable?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
