I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
