I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
