Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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