The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
