She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
