U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
