Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
