just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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