I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
