College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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