once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
