This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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