I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
