I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
