Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
