return my video game
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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