Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
