where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
